Job 2:11–13 (NASB 95): 11 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, they came each one from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite; and they made an appointment together to come to sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they lifted up their eyes at a distance and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky. 13 Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great.
Recently, my family and I had a change in our living situation. We had to move from a beautiful three bedroom, two bath rental to a thirty foot trailer. The transition was a bit harsh.
For starters, our cat of seventeen years didn’t handle the transition at all. Within the week he fell very ill and eventually died. He was, by far, our children’s favorite remaining pet and didn’t respond well to his passing.
On top of this, my back, which had grown very weak and more painful over the last year or so, degenerated more quickly with our new situation. It became so painful I began experiencing partial paralysis and pain so severe that my wife threatened to take me to the emergency room.
We had seen better days.
Don’t get me wrong. We live with a roof over our heads that keeps us dry and warm. We can’t complain.
The reason why I mention this is because, in the middle of it all, I had someone try to encourage me by telling me his story of hardship, and that, when it was all over, we would look back at how enjoyable the whole experience had been.
He meant well. He was only trying to help. He tried to make me feel better by pointing out positives rather than negatives. Nothing wrong with that. He wanted to cheer me up.
But he failed…miserably.
He forgot the cardinal rules of dealing with someone in grief. We see those principles play out in this passage from Job and can learn a lot from the initial reaction from his friends.
I say initial reactions because Job’s friends ultimately blew it to the point God rebuked them. But here we have three positive lessons from Job’s friends that we can embrace and practice:
1. Just be available for a friend in distress.
Here’s what’s most interesting. Job’s friends came to him in his most difficult circumstances. They didn’t wait. They didn’t deliberate. They simply made themselves available when Job needed someone most.
I just want to express one caveat for this situation. You don’t always have to go to your friends to be available. Some people may want to be alone in a situation like this, and, in such cases, a phone call or sympathy card may play out as a better solution.
However, this principle always stands. The best thing you can do for a grieving friend is simply be available to them. You may be the only shoulder they have to cry on.
2. Simply grieve with a friend in distress.
At this point, Job’s friends got it right. They didn’t try to “over-comfort” Job. They were willing enough to avoid becoming some kind of bright, sunny personality and served Job best by simply weeping with him.
Simply grieving with someone shows you care because they can see you are trying to feel what they feel. In this case, sharing their grief is caring for their needs and that’s really what the point is, not cheering them up.
3. Shut up!
I know. Harsh! But this is probably the most important principle of all. Job’s friends had it right at the beginning. Don’t say anything. Just sit and grieve along!
Although later these friends broke their silence at the most inopportune time, they at least had the sense at the beginning to keep their mouths shut. More often than not, that’s what’s needed.
Here’s the rule: Most anything you say won’t do a whole lot. People in grief aren’t always thinking rationally. They’re responding emotionally and may respond negatively to anything you might say.
The point is you are there to spiritually strengthen them, and the best way to do that is exactly as God’s Word instructs: Weep with those who weep.
What’s the point?
Just be there. After all…
Christ showed us the greatest statement of love by saving worthless sinners by driving forward to the cross on our behalf. He didn’t shy away from that uncomfortable situation but became uncomfortable for our sakes. He comforted us most when He suffered the most.
He was there for us.
And even when He couldn’t be there for us, when He ascended to heaven to take His rightful place at the right hand of the Father, He sent us another “Comforter,” the Holy Spirit, who knows how to comfort us best in the most difficult times.
Become God’s comforting instrument today.
Journeys of a Former Firebrand 
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