Many years ago, I attended a conference at a good-sized church in a nearby metropolitan area. I didn’t know the pastor who was putting on the conference. Someone I knew well was good friends with this man, so I figured it would be good to introduce myself.
So I introduced myself with a cheery smile, thanking him for putting on the conference.
He said, “You’re welcome,” then looked past me as if I didn’t exist.
I stood for a moment as I waited for him to say something like “So, where are you from?” or “Who did you come with?” At least then I could have told him that my pastor was a good friend of his.
It never got that far. I stood there for an uncomfortably long time before I finally chalked his reaction up to disinterest. I don’t remember if he walked off or I did, but we never really connected. He had no desire to.
Paying Attention to the Details
It was a very disappointing experience. He was an older pastor who should have known better. He had a large church and a healthy ministry. Yet, he couldn’t even extend the most basic social graces to another pastor.
In his defense, he didn’t know I was a pastor. He didn’t know he was friends with my pastor. He was distracted because he had a conference going on (although he had no direct responsibility in the conference as far as I could tell).
Maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe he hadn’t slept well the night before. Maybe he had a cold. Maybe he had cancer and hadn’t told anyone.
In the end, I would never know. He never offered me the chance to get to know him. Any particulars of his life really don’t matter to me because he never gave me a chance to reach out. He didn’t pay attention to the details.
Introspection Rather Than Judgment
Why am I telling you this? Is it because I’m complaining about this man’s attitude? Is it because I’m in a snit? Is it because I’m holding a grudge?
Nope. None of the above.
For one thing, I never learned anything about him. He may be a great pastor, a great husband, a great father, a great Christian. I really don’t have enough information to determine who he is.
There’s something even more important to consider here. It got me thinking. Do I do this with my people? Do I sometimes look through them rather than to them so that I can get to know them?
How many people have I turned off simply because I wasn’t careful enough to get to know them?
My purpose is to impart the Word to everyone I come in contact with. My purpose is to show God’s glory to them. My purpose is to “impose” my faith on people through careful kindness.
My purpose is to model Jesus who was kind enough to take time for me and save my soul from hell by dying on a cross.
The Purpose in Careful Kindness
The fact remains that this isn’t just a “pastor thing.” This attitude of careful kindness belongs to all of us. If we follow Jesus, we act like Him.
That’s one reason that experience with the other pastor was so tragic. This isn’t just for pastors. That’s a given. It’s for all of us!
God set the standard of careful kindness:
But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. (Ephesians 2:4–7, NASB 95)
Did you catch that? Paul wrote that God showed “the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us.”
He is explaining that it was God’s careful consideration and kindness that led to our salvation. He shows this consideration to us all the time. He’s constantly showering grace over our earthly lives.
But do we have a responsibility in this? Is God really our standard and example? Are we held to the same standard?
It’s interesting to look at a related letter, the Letter to the Colossians, for the answer. Here’s what Paul says there:
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of… kindness.(Colossians 3:12, NASB 95)
Paul was speaking to Christians about other Christians. What was his instruction? God showed us kindness. We need to clothe ourselves in the same kindness so that we can show it to each other. We need to show careful kindness.
So What?
The consideration is clear: we need to show careful kindness to each other. We learn all too well from the world. We look out for ourselves rather than each other. Yet we’re told to “put on a heart of…kindness.“
And that’s what we must do. This isn’t a suggestion. It’s a command from the very God who saved us.
So let’s show that careful kindness to each other. If God was kind to us, let’s be kind to each other and show the world what kindness really is.
After all, it was Christ:
who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; 23 and while being reviled, He did not revile in return. (1 Peter 2:22–23, NASB 95)
That’s speaking of His life and death. He showed kindness right to the end. Let’s do the same.
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